Updated: Sep 22, 2021
As a mother, a wife and a professional, you are charged with providing a framework in which your charges are to operate. When a child is diagnosed with a disorder, what do you do?
You can provide order; or you can provide chaos.
How do you know which one you are doing? Chaos Theory says that you cannot know because even in chaos, patterns form that will eventually create some sort of order. So let's just go on how we are feeling. Is life exhausting? Are you tired? Are things going as planned?
Everyone needs to make sense of what’s going on around them.
In Christianity, the first action to bring order to chaos was God saying, “let there be light.” God’s word speaks into the chaos or void, starts to bring definition, order, form, clarity and a framework. Maybe during this season of your life, the chaos is an uncovering of what has been hidden, and a painful first step to bring greater clarity, vision and definition that will lead to clearer understanding– order to the chaos.
As a leader of others, your job, too, is to create order out of chaos for others, every day. You are responsible for helping others make sense of what swirls around them every day…to help them create order out of their chaos. And the best way to do that? Figure out your rules of engagement. You need some sense of stability and calmness to function at your best. Here are some of mine:
Purpose --We all need a “north star,” our "why," something aspirational to strive to. What is the overarching goal? If no goal exists, then make one up. Vision -- We need to be able to actually see the chaos, not run from it, and envision how we wish to see our world. Create your own "Twisted Beautiful Journey," if you will... Predictability — helps you feel more confident, in control, calm, and stable. When you have a routine, you don't have anxiety about what will come next. Clarity — saves you time by helping you see things clearly and to know what to do. Freedom — enables you to focus your attention on what matters and build a life of your choosing. Control -- Be like the duck: calm above the surface and furiously paddling below.
As parents, we want to promote resilience in our children. Resilience is the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, challenges, threats, or significant sources of stress such as family and relationship problems, serious health problems, or behavioral and academic stressors at school. In light of a WHOLE-ASS Pandemic, there have been some challenges presented in keeping the chaos from kids and teaching them resilience in the face of SO MUCH trauma. Regardless, kids will make sense of what they are receiving, to create a world view from their experiences. And it can be positive, or very negative.
As a parent during the pandemic, there has been a lot of chaos until we found answers. The pandemic was our "uncovering of what has been hidden, and a painful first step to bring greater clarity, vision and definition that will lead to clearer understanding– order to the chaos. " Virtual school worked for one of our children, but definitely not the other. And the social isolation benefitted NO ONE! We were also unaware of how all children in the household were affected . Since addressing the issues, (and the world opening back up), things have definitely improved.
I am working towards a summer schedule with structure, because that works for us. I'm a bit behind on booking things, but I will find some activities...because we can give them order; or we can give them chaos.